U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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