Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
