"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
