Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
