She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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