Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
