And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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