Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
then he tried to convert me to islam
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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