I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
