She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
