i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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