I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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