ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
