I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
