WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
