The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
