you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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