I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
