I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
