Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
