I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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