there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
