Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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