You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
