We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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