i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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