I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
