He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
