I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
