You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
