if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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