I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
