I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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