Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
