Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
