she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
