Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
