How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
