Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
