i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you never un-have a 4some
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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