when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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