A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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