you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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