i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
