boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
there is glitter all over my balls
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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