my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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