Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
