Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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