i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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