marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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