he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Let's get the cat blown out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
