i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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