She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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