I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
