she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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