...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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