whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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