Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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