Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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