Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
