i think my mom watched the whole time
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
