It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
