So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
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