everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
