I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
